My Name is [Leon Kennedy]
by Xenogears
Summary: What were we smoking when we wrote this, you ask? We were eating Taco Bell. : ) This is our first attempt at something like this, so go easy, okay? Oh, and to all you flamers out there: "We know where you live."


My Name is [Leon Kennedy] ****

My Name is [Leon Kennedy]

A parody of Eminem's 'My Name is' by, Omega 431 & Xenogears

Xenogears: "Hello. Welcome to Omega and my's first joint project, and parody."

Omega: "'Sup?"

Xenogears: "If you're wondering how this come to be, then I'll tell you. One night, I was staying over at his house--yes I just so happen to know him personally--and we were listening to Eminem's 'My Name is.' A few minuets later, dinner was called, and Omega suddenly came up with the first few lines."

Omega: "That was me!"

Xenogears: "After much pressuring, I finally _made_ him write it out into a parody with me."

Omega: "What?! I decided to do it on my own!"

Xenogears: "Shut up, _Shiro_."

Omega: "Make me,"

Xenogears (fuming): "...Whatever. Just read and enjoy."

__

Note: Omega did most of the lines here. I just made a few lines, added to some, corrected spelling, and typed it up. So, most credit goes to Shiro-san _on this one. On a side note, this is in no way related to the parody made by 'Rage,' based on the same song. We just so happen to get them out at near the same time._

VERSE 1

Hi kids do you like violence?

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Yeah yeah yeah!

Wanna see me shoot 9mm bullets through zombie's eyelids? 

__

Uh-huh!

Wanna copy me, do exactly like I did? Get drunk, join the force, and get [censored]'ed up like I did?

Wait wait, can't get my head straight, tryin' to figure whether it's Claire or Ada I want to impregnate

Dr. Birkin said, "Man my G-Virus is wasted, I mean, look at me, I'm practically brain-dead"

Since age 12 I felt like I was someone else, 'cause I saw my dad smack my mom in the face with his belt

Got pissed off ripped some reporter's lips off, 'cause he locked the cell doors and made my eyes go criss-cross

I make smokin' corpses fall on the grass faster than the Tyrant who got up too fast

Leon: "Come here slut,"

Claire: "Wait a minute, that's Sherry Birkin, dog"

Leon: "I don't give a [censored]. They hired me to piss Umbrella off"

Hi my name is

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What?

My name is

__

Who?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

Huh?

My name is

__

Wha?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

What?

My name is

__

Who?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

Huh?

My name is

__

What?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

VERSE 2

The R.P.D. wanted to flunk me 'cause I was high

Yeah, thanks a lot. When I get my badge I'll be 35

I smacked Chief Irons in the face with a razor

Chased him with a SPAS 

Blasted a shotgun shell up his ass

Walked into the gun shop, almost got my head blown off

Just because I wouldn't put money in the tip cup

Zombie truck drivers runnin' over pedestrians with a gas truck while they're screaming at me: "Rahgheaghhhh...!"

99% of my life I was lied to

I just found out Claire gets laid more than I do 

I told her I saw her brother wearing a real cool jacket, said "Made In Heaven" on the back he said he named it after her. 

I know Sherry grew up where the zombies bite off your hands

Like that dude from Silence of the Lambs

Some dude in the R.P.D. named Marvin gave me a key card

I took it, left, and said, "Thanks for the support, asshole"

Hi my name is

__

What?

My name is

__

Who?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

Huh?

My name is

__

Wah?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

What?

My name is

__

Who?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

Huh?

My name is

__

Wah?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

VERSE 3

Stop the game! These things need to be blasted away

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Get 'em!

Leon: "Claire, don't just stand there! Blast away!"

Brad didn't want to leave, it was too scary to die

Till he got hit by Nemesis, now we don't know if he's dead or alive

Am I killin' or chillin'? I can't decide

Just drank a bottle of Vodka

Dare me to drive?

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Claire: "_Go ahead._"

All my life I was very deprived

I haven't had sex for years, my balls are too hairy to hide

Clothes rip like the Incredible Hulk

I don't think when I talk

****

I cap anything that walks

When I walked into Raccoon, I shot some bitch

What if I run out of ammo? These things will bite off my dick

Now I lay awake at night with a bullet-proof vest

Worried some Umbrella guy is gonna shoot me dead

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Bang!

I'm seein' red

And if you see Annette, tell her I'm gonna slit her throat the first chance I get

Hi my name is

__

What?

My name is

__

Who?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

Huh?

My name is

__

Wha?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

What?

My name is

__

Who?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Hi my name is

__

Huh?

My name is

__

Wha?

My name is

Leon Kennedy

Xenogears: "Well, we hope you've enjoyed this parody of a real f***ed up song, from a real f***ed up artist. _Sayonara _and _Oyasumi nasai_." 

Omega: "Thanks for takin the time, we'll see you again when we write our next rhyme._ Mata ne._" 

(Both bow deeply, and Omega turns around and slams his face into the computer hard drive. Xenogears shakes his head in disgust. Luckily, the computer wasn't damaged, only his brain. _Shikata ga nai, neh?_)

****

END

Draft: 7/12/01 (9:12PM)

Final: 7/17/01 (7:25PM)


End file.
